My hands ache
with the desire to write
but my soul
is unable to find the words.
So finally after a year of taking University level classes, I decided to change my major. I am officially a Psychology major with a minor in English. As much as I LOVE literature, my true passion is writing and as much as I tried to make it work, I realized being a literature major just didn’t feel right to me. I’m hoping that a major in Psych will enable me to break into a career in Holistic Health and/or Alternative Medicine. After having gone through surgery, ill-treatment from countless doctors, and experiencing so many terrible side effects from medications that were prescribed to treat symptoms and not the problems, I have decided that I deeply desire to help people who have been in similar situations. I definitely believe that everything happens for a reason and that God works in mysterious ways. I think what happened to me made me stronger, helped me realized my potential, and also showed me how desperately this world needs help.
This was a big step for me, so I just wanted to share my decision. I am truly excited to begin this journey!
I have decided that my greatest achievement will be turning my life, my deepest passions and interests into my career. Turning my skills and already-valuable assets into my professions. Not just one, but many. I want to educate myself in more than one aspect of life. I want to delve into the rich, lush world we live in and devour it, share as much of it as I can with as many people as I can before I leave this Earth. I am so angered and infatuated, infuriated…in love with humanity. In love with this silly ball of light we live on.
I would never miss the opportunity to smell a freshly open bag of coffee.
If I could, I would literally rip my skin apart if it would allow me to escape from this frail, pathetic excuse for a body that I have the misfortune to call my own.
Sometimes I spend so much time being a writer and creating characters in my head that I forget how to be myself.
"Your soul is so tightly wound," she said to me, "that when it is finally ready to unravel, it will disintegrate into sand."
I am clawing at my skin, trying to escape this useless body. I am fighting this life with every ounce of my being, but I can’t break free. I wake up and walk through this haze, day after day after day. I need to get away. I need to breathe. I need to find myself again.