THEME

If you were to unplug your TV, turn off the radio, throw away the magazines, disconnect yourself from your computer…do you realize how much less likely you would be provoked to indulge in unhealthy eating? How much less likely you would participate in impulsive shopping? How you would learn to depend upon yourself to search for facts and information, instead of relying on a biased news source to tell you what’s what?

Do you realize how much they control what you’ve learned to associate with who you think you are? How many things that you thought you learned to love on your own, not realizing it was because it had been thrust into your person by the media we consume?

Are you really living? Or just following the path society has laid out for you to follow?

[157]

My body
is preparing for a war;
Not a war fought with guns,
with mustard gas or tanks,
But a war of letting go
and letting wisdom flood every
corner of my soul.
I know that as soon as this wisdom
rushes through my veins,
it will uncover parts of me 
I have spent years hiding away.
The parts society kidnapped,
brainwashed, and fed lies to;
the parts that didn’t fight, that
gave in, that began to believe.
And here I am, at twenty-two
having to learn to unbelieve
all the things I thought I knew.

My body
is prepared for war
With flowers and with kindness,
with mercy and with love.
It has prepared an open mind
and a willingness to help.
It is a war unlike any that has
come before, a war that
can only be won by sacrificing 
pride,
not people;
egos,
not innocence. 
A war that can only be won
by believing that peace 
is not something to be imagined,
but something to be achieved.

[151]

This




             is what

Depression



                               feels like.

[150]

What am I working towards,
what is the goal?
Why did I begin this quest, this journey;
I still struggle with the answer
to these questions every day.
Why do we place such emphasis on
A letter
written on a paper?
that claims we possess a certain
knowledge;
Who is to tell me I am unintelligent?
because I prefer not to speak my thoughts
but write them in verses, leave them
to decipher;
What am I trying to prove?
when I alienate another person
by acting superior 
because I possess wisdom 
they do not yet have;
The answers evade my conscious,
dropping down into the depths
of my core
and stirring up sharp, hot pain
too blinding to be forgotten.

Humans have corrupted unity
with pride, arrogance, selfishness.
We have thrown stones
at our own kind;
We have stolen rights and started wars,
brainwashed and ostracized,
victimized and brutalized;
And as we stand in the face of “Overwhelm”
I ask simply this:

What can I do to save us?

[148]

There was a time
when you treated my body
like a temple—
precious, holy;
You would enter me so sweetly,
respectfully, delightfully, passionately;
and together we learned to achieve
celestial love
of spiritual proportions.

Now, however,
you treat my body
like a tomb—
laying sentimental flowers
on the inside of my soul.
I make love with a shadow of a human
who is too scared to love himself;
Transformed into an ant
burning beneath the scorching sun.

[147]

Sometimes I find
the most joyous memories
are the moments where
I can be alone with myself,
my thoughts,
when they can scatter across
the page however
they like, without judgement,
without fear.
I have become so aware
of my body,
how small it is
to contain so much life;
I do not know what
to do with the passion.
I often find myself crippled
to my knees
with a desire to understand.
It is a silent war against
a roaring war.
My heart could sink the
grandest vessel of the
seas—
could take it to the
lowest
point of the ocean without 
gasping for a breath.
The atoms of my body
are forced, perpetually,
to hold up
what demands to collapse.
But if I stop
just stop.
If I close my eyes
I feel the world embrace me,
and I become at one
with everything.
And then I reminded:
This is why I am fighting.
This is why it matters.

Because everyone deserves
to know happiness.
Because everyone deserves
love.

I have decided that my greatest achievement will be turning my life, my deepest passions and interests into my career. Turning my skills and already-valuable assets into my professions. Not just one, but many. I want to educate myself in more than one aspect of life. I want to delve into the rich, lush world we live in and devour it, share as much of it as I can with as many people as I can before I leave this Earth. I am so angered and infatuated, infuriated…in love with humanity. In love with this silly ball of light we live on. 

[144]

While my stomach knots
and twists, you lie beside me unaware;
oblivious to the pain you’ve caused—
cause—
without ever meaning to
but without ever trying to
avoid.

Time has become subtraction,
no longer a limited amount
of unlimited possibilities,
but of moments wasted and 
time spent regretfully
behind the buzzing of the
blue machine
we have a habit of calling
"Life"

I looked for Life inside the wires
and found none,
not a fragment of humanity
to connect its circuits;
Yet we have turned into
nothing more
than metal and electricity,
seeking heat to stay
alive.

My stomach knots and twists;
you’re asleep beside me.
My yearning for your intimate
touch prevents me from sleeping,
but the blue machine sucks
the Life out of your Time
until there is nothing left of you, 
nothing more to share with me.

[140]

When I write
it is more than just ink on paper,
more than just words
fashioned into sentences.
It is a Spiritual journey,
an adventure into the Unknown.
What I find, sometimes I cannot
comprehend;
a part of myself I do not yet know.
It is an unraveling,
pulling at strings until I find
the source of the knot—
but once discovered, can never
be forgot. 

[138]

I have begun to love this little room,
with it’s walls lemon yellow, cracks
across the sky where the sun can still
shine though and peak at me
here below.
I must have built it, for I’m the only
one inside. Outside, through
the tin thin walls I see shadows;
the color of fresh bruises upon flesh—
I do not long to join them,
so this room is where I rest.
I must have known that no one else
should be let inside my little room,
but the cracks, in the walls;
the voices are getting through.
The voices of the shadows who
have only ever done me harm, cutting 
letters into my skin, slashing words
into my arms. 
I am trapped inside this deathly hole
no way of ever getting free;
the sun has let the shadows in 
and they’ve taken over me.